But what coño? II

At the end of the first article I said to you that they were still staying a few: “but what coños?” well fat. And as it was foreseeable, such an elegant and diligent gentleman as I was not going to make to wait for you any more than one week. So with all of you, darlings readership, the second and last part of the most illogical and slightly coherent article about The Illustrious Pixel. That already that is to say, eh.

Silent Hill and the nightmares that kill themselves with a stick
The terror video games continue a series of proper conventions of his genre. You know already, the bogeys exist, children kidnap the demons, the fog does not allow you to see three meters further away, the bathrooms are dirty and the pianos sound although nobody touches them. All this, as any other of many intrinsic elements of the genre, fits to the perfection in Silent Hill, which if for something he stands out is for the good setting for which it offers. Nevertheless, as the heading of this paragraph suggests, there is a small detail that takes all this setting and the immersion that it bears and throws them for the hut. And the fact is that where balls have been seen that an any bastard armed with a sad stick, leaves him facing a heap of creatures come straight from the hell. We go man do not touch me the eggs! If I want to stoke infernal creatures with an iron pole I start playing Brutal Legend, not Silent Hill. Fortunately, new Silent Hill Origins, which is not either that it is especially good, has corrected this eyesore with a moderate wise move. And it is than for the god's love: have you ever seen the shift screaming one grinding to sticks Freddy Kruger or Jason? No, truth? Do you know why? Because it would not scare. It would give a fear not even pinch. Unfortunately this is what happens whenever in a Silent Hill we clutch our fearsome rusty pole and him hostiamos the head to the shift demon: that does not scare.

How have you come here?
In all the games we will not have crossed corridors full of dangers, murdered to hundreds of enemies, jumped mortal obstacles of need and open sea doors with impossible mechanisms … to be with that X personage is already to another side. Come we go do not fuck me. Those that you have played to Castlevania: Simphony of the Night you will remember the famous corridor of the spikes: a long broker for which you needed to have the armor equipped yes or yes “spike breaker”. So you, that you are a diligent and legal uncle, were stamping on the Castle of above to below, you were killing a million skeletons, were turning into fog, wolf and bat, and finally, after defeating the shift big shot, were finding the glades armor. You were putting yourself it, were breaking the spikes: and when were you coming to other what were you finding? To Maria. Adorable Maria was to another side. How had she come without the spikes armor? That we will never know it. But the idiot's face that I had left the first time that I saw her there planted was important. Another good example of this sangrante situation is the led one by the most stupid spy of the history: Ada Wong. This intrepid miss fixes them to be in all sides although we are we that we push statues and recover medallions opens doors. How does she do it? Attentive that I have my own theory. Under his useful holiday garment of red a programmable stone takes multiuses with the one that can open all the doors of the world. Thought-out good … perhaps Maria had something similar.

Phoenix Wright and his wonderful judgments
That there are psychics massive that can change body it has a pass. That you face district attorneys that seventeen birthdays have not come to his it has a pass. That the killer for a motive or other always finishes in the dais confessing his crime also has a pass. What demons, does all this have perfect sense inside the universe of Phoenix Wright. What has no sense under any concept, is that in the stage style cheers up in that the history develops, the district attorneys have right to take their own investigations without control none. Or is it that after the twentieth attempt on the part of the district attorney of forging tests the Judge has not learned the lesson? Waste time, several witnesses lie and confess that the he-goat of the district attorney has said to them what they had to say. That, in this world and in anyone that includes the concept of the word “judgment“ it is called a perjury. And for those who do not know it, the perjury is a crime. A serious crime. Of course, if you have few shame to say a comment that the judge should consider out of place: PENALIZATION! Penalization? Your prostitute mother bearded of the balls! Do not you see that they all are cheating you less I? Why do you pay balls with me? And what is more important: Why demons is it me defended guilty until the opposite is demonstrated? Seriously: where did these people learn balls right? In the Gestapo?

Variable life points
This heading can turn out to be very confused, so I am going to clarify it as soon as possible. If you have played one day a JRPG, you will have been in the typical situation in which you face a personage who later joins your group. The most famous example of this situation is a spoiler like a house, so I will not say it, but the most celebrated second example is that of the young woman and pizpireta Yuffie Kisaragi, so we will center on her. When we find it incidentally for the first time and it attacks us, much bitch daughter must take as the double or the triple of life that your personages. Nevertheless, after defeating it and achieving that one you discover your group that his maximum of points of life has diminished mysteriously. Then you think “it costs, I am in a world in which the people support tens sword thrusts without throwing a blood drop, where an object that is bandaged in any ultramarine is capable of reviving someone after incurring massive loss, where the monsters stand out to his wide ones next to the cities … and it is well, the accepted thing. It is a part of the mental contract that I have signed with all the JRPGs. But this? What sense does this have? If a few seconds ago when you me were hostiando you had 2,000 of life to me why you are not still with your 2,000 of life a prostitute's daughter!”. Another case enough famous is that of Seifer, to which the life maximum multiplies him magically for work and grace of his saber gun. Although some of them will say that it is for the magic of Edea, skylight.

The killer waters
Put in situation. It is Tommy Vercetti, a hard companion of the host that takes several sub-machine guns and rocket launcher in the pocket, that leads tanks and sports cars and that has cocaine for breakfast straight of his golden office. You are the king of the city, the owner, the male prostitute Al Pacino of the world of the video games. You are a damned demon with shirt from Hawaii. And nevertheless, when you walk yourself for the beaches of Vice City you go with the timid bottom, because as you have no luck of touching the water you are dead. I do not know if it is that the weapon weighs him very much or it is that they never taught him to swim of child, but the sensation of funk that gets you into the body when you walk along the footbridge of the port and jump to your ship is important. And that, for Al Pacino of the video games it is something very sad. Nevertheless, the topic of the water not always has talked each other this way of evil. There we have the example of Gothic, in which we can wallow where let's want; of course, if we pass of ready and try to go away too much background an enormous monster appears and eats us. Effective and coherent with the logic of the video game. Do you see here to what I refer when I speak about the diégesis? That Tommy Vercetti falls down of the yacht and dies it is not coherent. That in the universe of Gothic there are marine monsters that human beings eat YES it it is. None of two cases is realistic, but the second one is coherent with the rest of the history, and this is what it imports.

Temporary pieces of nonsense
The topic of the temporary jumps is very tricky. That thing about to travel to the past or to the future usually ends in mental mortadellas that do water for all sides. Kratos, protagonist of an excellent video game since it is God of War II, it can give good faith of it. In his second adventure in PS2, the favorite Spartan of the sonyers (and of the not sonyers also) faces the infamous Sisters of the Destination. In this battle, one of them decides to travel in the time up to a few moments before the clash between Kratos and Plow. His theory is that if there is loaded the sword with which the first one killed the second one, the result of the fight will incline of the side of the God of the War. Obviously it fails insignificantly and Kratos ends up by interspersing his intestines for the past, the present and the future. Why? Because having absolute control on the flow of the time and being able to kill the Kratos mother before of to light, one decides to hope that his opponent should be a bad beast it spoils gods. Logician? No. Coherent? Less still. Idiot? Of balls. More examples? You have along quite Chronno Trigger or Shadow of Memories to kicks. But as I said already earlier, to speak to you about the first one would be spoilearos a good game, and not even god has played the second one, so you were not going to know very well about what I speak.